I have definitely been on the receiving end of the inappropriate "happy birthday" text, and I have also sent a few in my lifetime. If it was a respectful, mutual parting, talking to your ex may be just fine. If I text you before I scroll through my social media feeds, it's serious. Don’t make it a big deal: Approach the topic at hand in a very matter-of-fact manner and don’t make it sound like a big deal. Even the high from text messages about canceled plans doesn't do it for you anymore. While you may want to speak to your ex immediately following a break up, it’s important to wait until you’re strong enough to listen and to analyze your ex’s words even if they’re hurtful. You're on good terms. That's not to say you can't be friends with them while one or both of you are in a relationship, but you should give each new relationship time to develop on its own. You text your ex. Essentially, I was reaching out to guys I used to date for all the wrong reasons: to make them jealous, create drama, force them to remember me, and insert myself back into their lives. Because there are now more people involved, it's important to consider everyone's feelings. Kirsch also offer some scenarios where your intentions may be more pure, and reaching out to your ex would be OK: It might be a good idea to screenshot this list and keep it in your phone for when you're drunk and feel like reaching out to that ex you still aren't quite sure if you should be talking to, because as Kirsch says, "boundaries after breakup are important": So essentially, your ex boyfriend is not your emergency go-to any longer. He explains, "We all know what communication in the morning and evenings means between two people who have, or have had, an intimate relationship. “It’s almost like a weird Google News pin reminding you of your ex,” explains one writer. He broke up with me about 4-6 months ago. I'm with Armstrong on this one. I probably got the attention or company or comfort I was craving. After breakup or divorce you and your ex are still talking, and you are realizing that there might be a way to become more intimate… You’ve picked up on your ex’s hints, or maybe you’re wondering how you could get them back into your bed. It always helps me adjust the timing and tone of my text messages. Like, did you know that your upstairs neighbors have nightly fights about whose turn it is to change the cat litter? Pot, kettle, black, etc. You can start saying things you might regret. "If you and your ex are still friends, absolutely text them on birthdays and holidays," he says. — only hit us when we're completely alone. 5 Reasons To Maintain Contact With Your Ex Communication is one of the top causes, if not, “the” top cause of break-ups. Sussman says exes who have kids together should try to remain on good terms if possible, since they’ll be in each other’s lives for the long run. But I've also been on the receiving end of those messages and all I truly felt was awkward — especially if I'd been happily moving on with my life since the breakup. But here's why I'm trying to pull back, and you should, too. When the question of speaking to your ex arises, there are many factors to consider, not the least of which is the state in which your breakup occurred. "These signs include that they express and demonstrate genuine accountability and remorse for having hurt you. 2. Is it ever OK to text your ex, then? It's safe to say that if you find yourself chatting your ex up for hours, multiple times a week, you're heading straight into the danger zone. Reaching Out to an Ex. If your split was amicable and casual texts back and forth don't set either of you back emotionally, it's OK. Kirsch has some personal experience on the topic. Aim for a much more casual 2:36 p.m. emoji-free message if you have to. In that case, it's wisest to give them space. Seeing your ex to get clarity, or in the hope of closure, does not nullify this fact, nor does it correct previous bad behavior (from either partner). This is a great conversation starters if you want to bring back all the feels and start talking about the possibility of going back together.