If you want your ex back do not turn down the offer just because you feel scared that being friends will hurt your chances to get back with your ex. Hello Reddit, Ill try to keep things brief. I should move on I suppose. In general, I think this is the best advice: be the kind of girl who moves on. He said that he is attracted to me, and wants to be with me. I presume he has a report on file since you mention having the police remove him from your home in the past, so do not be afraid or feel guilty about reporting him again. You are in a prime position if this is the case. Very hot and cold. He was fresh out of a year long relationship with his ex who mutually decided to break up with him before he met me. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Oh how I longed to hear those words! Guilt because his reasons for not wanting to try again right now are semi-decent (we're both mentally ill, and he thinks he needs to work on his own issues before getting into a relationship again.) I could really use any advice you have. I had no idea about his cocaine use or problems until about 6 months in, he told me he had a problem and was seeking help such as going to N/A meetings 4 times a week, I figured since he hadn't had any slips since we had been together and was actively seeking help that I would stick around to support him but this obviously back fired.. during these 4 "episodes" I've been dragged up the stairs by the hair, slapped in the face, kicked, had a phone smashed into my face, been bitten on my face, choked and been dragged to the ground by the hair and had my face forcefully pushed into the ground.. after his last episode, I had the police remove him from my home and that was that.. Its not as horrible as it sounds. You shouldn’t ask your ex, “Do you want to start from the beginning and date again?” because a woman will almost always say, “No” to that. Or rather, I said I thought it was a bad idea, and that I needed time to think. How is one to get their ex girlfriend back when she already has a boyfriend? Signs it's actually a good idea to try again with your ex Signs it's actually a good idea to try again with your ex. And he seemed really reluctant to do anything sexual. Now, not so much I guess. I wanted him to move in with me and at the very last second, he bailed. Need help with your relationship? If you want them back, you risk interpreting their behavior as signs that they feel the same way, because that’s what you want to see and hear.. Mostly, exes propose to stay friends because that way they’re still in your life and getting you back is much easier. He thinks that I’m some kind of whore because he doesn’t trust woman. Physical abuse is one strike you’re out. Leave A Reply. But most of all, guilt because he wants to try again when he's more mentally stable, and I don't. I feel incredibly sad about the whole thing. Sometimes one's decision of breaking up with the girlfriend does not seem right. If she still doesn’t know whether or not she wants to give you a chance, she’s not going to commit to the idea of fully going back into the courting stage of a relationship (e.g. Run. No, it's not that. Ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend wants me back: If I accept what do I do? He's now contacting me declaring his undying love for me and begging for another chance.. And protect yourself at all times. I actually felt like i got over it very fast, largely due to the attractiveness thing because, why the hell would i want to be with someone who didn't find me attractive? Absolutely 100% his choice to harm himself or not, and it's almost certainly going to be not; he sounds like he thinks more of himself than he ever will anyone else. Don’t try to reason with your ex to be with you. Some say this means she'll just return right back to you, and she was emotionally charged at the time she broke up with you. This is quite long, and i'm a bit confused, so sorry in advance. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. Adapted from a recent online discussion. At such times one probably wants to get back with her and give it a shot again. What your ex won't tell you is that she's sad -- really f*cking sad. If your ex wants to know how work is, who you are seeing and what you are up to in general, that’s a ginormous signal they still want you in their life. He certainly wasn't Mr Romantic when he was hitting you or dragging you by your hair. This is quite long, and i'm a bit confused, so sorry in advance. He's incredibly shy, people said afterward that they were surprised I had gone out with him as he is so shy and quiet and I'm pretty outgoing. It was very up and down from there. Inevitably, your girlfriend has love and relationship baggage, which right now is coming back to haunt you. He sent me an email the next day apologizing for putting me on the spot, and saying he understands my feeling and where i'm coming from. Yet, in most cases, the woman will have plenty of time to get over the break up and even move on, so she will be less willing to catch up in person. Just tell him you're sorry but you moved on and don't have those feelings for him anymore. didn’t read this all I needed to read was the title.. don’t give them another chance, My short but cruel opinion? He said he wanted this to be a relationship. Basically, a couple of days ago, I was having coffee with a guy I used to go out with, and he asked if I wanted to go out with him again. Call it “backsliding,” but in such a case, getting back together with an ex seems more than sensible. You guys had a short relationship. I was still doing normal dating stuff, but he was at the back of my mind. You transferred a consequence of someone else’s life choices to yourself. Let's try to see what we can do in the following article. He said that, at the time, because he didn't have a job, that he thought he was going to have to emigrate and that he didn't want to have a shallow relationship with me but couldn't be serious thinking he was going to have to leave. Your ex insists it’s them — and not you Long story short, he was afraid of commitment. He Maintains Non-Essential Contact. They could really want to have you by their side, but there’s only a slight possibility of that happening. A year after the divorce my ex-wife came to visit the kids and begged for me to talk to her as I was NC on any topic not about the kids. I'm the only person he's ever dated so maybe i'm just the only person who fills the 'girlfriend' role in his head. I don't know if I was right to say no, whether I should give him a second chance, whether I even want to be with him. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. I mean, rejecting people isn't fun but I do it when I need to. We stayed friends, and I was pretty happy with that. It's all been about him, about when the relationship is convenient for him. No. I’m 7 months pregnant he hasn’t worked and was always looking for work, now that I left he suddenly wants to change like every time we fight. If he tops himself its not on you. Let’s say your ex is not ready to try the relationship again, but they are eager to stay connected. Much more than I did 6 months ago. 2. Also consider a restraining order. It's been 6 months! You guys didn't break up on bad terms. We both know he is still deeply disturbed, as if he wasn't, he wouldn't be making these manipulative threats in the first place. I don't think he's narcissistic at all actually, maybe just thoughtless in this one thing. Trying to guilt them into reconsidering the relationship can end up pushing them further away. It can seem impossible to figure out whether or not your ex really wants you back, or if you’re just misreading the signals.. 8. If they come back, it must be their decision. Your ex tries to behave like they did when they first met you. Ever since, I feel kind of heartbroken. And your ex wants you so badly that they are proposing something that obvious. He may have had those reasons for ending it, but he didn't TELL me those reasons. I mean, he treated me pretty poorly. He's only realizing this NOW? And he broke up with me, so I really didn't see this coming. Press J to jump to the feed. If you have a child or business together, it stands to reason that you and your ex would remain in contact— but this can remain very business-like. My ex and I only dated for a year but we have been in contact for a year after. Cuddling can send the wrong message, says Needle, or cause one or both of you to feel an emotional attachment again. Abusive ex wants to try again. It is absolutely NOT your responsibility, no matter how he tries to manipulate you (which is his primary aim). In have forgiven him over and over again after all his bits of jealousy. He keeps telling me if I ever loved him, I wouldn't turn my back on him and he'll kill himself if I don't speak to him.. Part of the consequences of his actions are losing you and your love. 1. Basically, a couple of days ago, I was having coffee with a guy I used to go out with, and he asked if I wanted to go out with him again. At the start of the year, he got a job at my college where I work part time, and we were suddenly seeing each other every day. Ex-boyfriend wants to try again. Your ex is going to try to hide his or her feelings for you so that you, your ex’s friends, family, and anyone related to your ex don’t find out. Washington Post Writers Group. I don't think I could face telling people we were back together, and then have him treat me like that again. He was hot and cold the whole time and then dumped me, and seemed surprised that I wasn't happy about his declaration of love all this time later. Of course, none of this would be happening to you if you were your girlfriend’s first love, but, if you’re saying, “My girlfriend’s ex boyfriend wants her back,” then she’s clearly had some previous experience with other guys. any advice would be greatly appreciated. If they act all moody, they may be upset because they feel conflicted about the breakup. She lamented her cheating, her cruelty, her constant fault-finding, but mostly she said she missed my friendship and could we please try again. If he cares about you he would stay the hell away. Its been 7-8 days we r talking n now he wants to be back, i said I’ll think about it n after that he didn’t asked me again, but he gets jealous whn i talk to other guys. later: 1. Ex wants to be friends I want more: You don’t want to be Friend-Zoned by the one you love! Unless you think you were sent to earth to take on the sins of others, you do not need to sacrifice yourself for another’s penance. I think ending all contact with him is the best/kindest thing you could do. So I said no. And I really liked him for pretty much all that time. I want to rebuild the trust in our relationship as he tried to be in a rebound witj someone but failed. Press J to jump to the feed. Sure, you might feel closer in the moment, but if anything, it might just make both of you feel more confused. Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back. Ex wants to try again. One thing he said when I was leaving the other night was "I've really fucked this up, haven't I?" He won't however, just a ploy. He even admitted he was acting like that (without me asking or saying anything) and apologized a few times, but didn't actually change. When you do see your ex again, they may either be pleased to see you or they may seem like they are in a bad mood. I actually just broke up with someone a couple of days before all this happened so I know how to do it. I feel really conflicted. 5. He was my first boyfriend. If you’re on this site, you’re looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) He has a job and his own place now and is sort of settled, and that he's ready to be with me. He lost you though his actions and yet you are holding yourself to guilt. This went on for about 2-3 months. ex is a girl and if your ex is a guy! My ex wants to try again but I am really scared about things not working out. Don't do a full blown character assassination of how narcissistic he seems to be unless he really pushes the issue and doesn't take "I'm just not that into you" for an answer. If your ex wants to meet up to “catch up” it’s likely that he has felt an emptiness in his life since you exited it, and simply wants to meet up to see you, talk with you, be with you. Missing you is the first step to getting him … That guilt is not for you! CARE ABOUT YOURSELF MORE. I'm really not sure he does though. He's already in a new (rebound) relationship. We have a lot of mutual friends, so we saw each other every few weeks and chatted normally, it didn't even feel weird and i was certain i was completely over it all. Either way, try to stay positive. So I had been with my ex for 2 years, during this time he was physically abusive towards me on 4 different occasions, everytime he hit me, he was either drunk or high on cocaine.. There ensued a big awkward conversation with me asking why, and how things had changed, and what the fuck basically. You know fully well what you'd be signing up for. We are both in our early-mid 20s. You might have completely moved on and be having the time of your life– then suddenly, here’s your ex. Perhaps you’re wondering “should I have sex with my ex” because you’re tempted, but at the same time you’d like to get a better idea of what they feel for you! So I had been with my ex for 2 years, during this time he was physically abusive towards me on 4 different occasions, everytime he hit me, he was either drunk or high on cocaine.. I feel really confused and conflicted about it all. He sounds dangerous, and people like that tend to escalate over time. These Guys usually get in such a mess because they guilt people into enabling them. LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE, AND DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO FIX HIM OR YOU OWE HIM YOURSELF AS A SACRIFICE. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Document all of his harassment, and do not be afraid to report him to the police. This could get really ugly. It was great and I started liking him more and more. If they offer you a hand of friendship, you must try to make the best of it. Currently we are living apart for a little over two months. Remember: You are the man and it’s up to you to take the lead and not wait around for your ex to give you the green light that it’s okay to contact her and get back together again. Did she delete you off Facebook? I've gone for coffee with him to catch up a couple of times, it felt to me like we were really back to being friends, like nothing had happened. I said no. Sammy Nickalls. Why? It feels like my heart vs my head. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Your sole responsibility is to your own health and wellness— you do not go back to him at all. He was very vague and confused, but seemed to be saying that he didn't want this to be any more serious and I gathered that though he liked me very much as a person, he maybe didn't find me completely physically attractive. Any words of wisdom for this confusing time for me. Trust me, he is much more likely to kill you than harm himself. It stirred up feelings I thought were gone. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. He definitely seemed to agree that it might be part of the problem at the time though. This is the most obvious reason. RELATED: 7 Signs Your Ex Is Just Pretending To Be Over You And Will Eventually Come Back 4. I [F26] was in a relationship with my ex [M26] (we will call him steve) for 5 years. Continuing to contact them just proves you are needy, pushy, disrespectful and annoying. You sound like you don't want to date him, but you hate rejecting people. But if your ex has told you in clear words that they don’t want contact, or refuses to respond to your texts, messages, emails, phone calls, your ex wants you to leave them alone. 1. It wouldn't be that bad to see each other again. This is one of the biggest signs that your ex wants you back and that they will eventually come back to you. Since your ex cares about you, your ex is going to give away subtle signs of pretending to be over you whether he or she likes it or not. Because your life is at stake. Reach out to your support group (family, friends, reddit, therapy - in no particular order) and realize that this guy is a deeply disturbed person who is using manipulation tactics to lure you back into the trap. I think I still do have feelings for him, but I hate the idea of being the sort of person who takes someone back after they cast me aside. He seemed into it, but weird about it at the same time. By dallasnews Administrator. After about 2 months we were drunk at a party, we both admitted feelings and hooked up. I was friends with him for around a year before anything happened, we didn't see each other very often in person but chatted online a lot. 6:14 PM on Feb 8, 2012 CST. What did he think I've been doing in the meantime? Need help with your relationship? So my ex and I have a long history, but I want to keep this short. We had both been insanely busy with work and college and then him moving home about an hour away, so I was optimistically putting it down to that but when things freed up slightly it still felt off. It’ll be easier for him and safer for you if you fully cut him out of your life. If they are happy to see you then they probably miss you. CAROLYN HAX. I also feel like this might be because he's settled in his job and house, and he wants "a girlfriend", rather than he wants me specifically. If you want this to keep happening, keep hanging around with him. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) It's manipulation, get out. She might end up feeling bad all over again and start crying, and you obviously want to avoid that like a plague, so it might be better to refrain from texting your ex when you think of her. Fuck him. deleted_user 10/06/2007. If you really truly feel sorry tell a doctor or something and have him call someone but I would go no further than that, It is never your responsibility. He wants to try and we are going to go to counseling. But how does that happen if there is someone new in her life? Some days he seemed really into me, then he'd withdraw. But if you miss him and want to be together again, here are 7 signs your ex is just pretending to be over you and will eventually come back. Sometimes, a guy will ignore his ex for 60 days because he doesn’t want to seem needy or pushy, while other times he will do it because he wants to hopefully teach her a lesson for dumping him. Cut to now, 6 months later. Then, he asked me on a date. He's already completely backed off and I know he'll never ask me out again. Either can be a good sign. Hard nope. 100% manipulation. Two weeks later, he's still being weird so I talk to him again and essentially drag a break-up out of him. Absolutely not. You will be forgotten if another potential partner comes along and shows they can be controlled by guilt. I've always been a logical person before this. I confronted him and asked what he felt about me, whether this would be an actual relationship and whether we should end it. The big thing though is, he doesn't seem to have considered my feelings once in this. 0. You keep a part of the responsibility for his bad actions locked in your very core, with guilt. Is this completely impossible? 100% he’s manipulating you. It’s not worth it and you are better off. If they constantly comment on your posts, like your every post, and follow your every move on social media , you can be sure that they are still crazy about you. I get your point though. I thought I had, I just ended another relationship that i had in the meantime (completely unrelated) and last time I met this guy I didn't feel anything besides fond friendship but as soon as he said that to me it came flooding back. I may have misunderstood the attraction thing, maybe he used the word shallow meaning the relationship rather than himself with regards to me, i don't know. Ex wants sex: But I don’t know if they still have feelings for me. Not your responsibility if he does end up doing something. Weirdly, whether we like it or not, exes do this all the time– and it’s important not to automatically decide that your ex wants you back. She wants a man to simply laugh at her suggestion and confidently guide her through the ex back process until they are in a relationship once again. In my defense, this was only the second time I'd met up with him. We are both in our early-mid 20s. Since an ex who wants you back is likely to do the opposite of what you expect, here are four real signs that he secretly wants you back. I dont know what to do.., I'm not going back there again, but if he actually harmed himself I'd feel a huge sense of guilt.. is this my responsibility or is he just manipulating me? Did he really think I wouldn't move on, date other people? You though his actions and yet you are in a relationship with my ex and I only dated for year! More mentally stable, and then have him treat me like that tend escalate! Those feelings for him apart for a year but we have been in contact for a year relationship. Not working out may be upset because they feel conflicted about it all over and again. 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